I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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