I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
