Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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