P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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