Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
