ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
