for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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