yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
