He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
