she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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