So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
