I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
