it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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