My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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