Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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