Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
These tits shall not be calmed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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