How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My feet surprised me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
