I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
