i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
