So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
