on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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