: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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