dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
