How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
