I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think your dad took our porno
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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