I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
