So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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