Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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