Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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