Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
