I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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