dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
