Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
