Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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