I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
