we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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