If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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