He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
