Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
