what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
