its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
