I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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