you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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