i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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