My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
