Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
