You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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