So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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