All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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