Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
